


The Last Time

by kira_khaleesi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Daddy Issues, Drabble, F/M, Ficlet, POV Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25092565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_khaleesi/pseuds/kira_khaleesi
Summary: After years of a turbulent relationship, Rey helps Ben work through some issues.--on hiatus as of aug 19 2020--
Relationships: Ben Solo & Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11
Collections: Red





	The Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by _The Last Time_
> 
> an extremely short meditation on a world in which Han Solo didn't love his son.

_You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave._

* * *

The person who had broken Ben’s heart the most was his father. 

Sure, there were a string of failed romances - love affairs that did not turn out the way he had hoped. Ben was, as his mother used to say, so much like his grandmother Padme; he loved without caution and with his entire heart.

And when it turned out, time and time again, that things were not working, it stung. 

But nothing hurt as bad as seeing the disappointment on Han Solo’s face when Ben inevitably let him down. Each time, Ben told himself it would be the last time. That he would learn, that he could be better. 

That one day, if he just tried hard enough, he could earn his father’s love.

If you asked him, not that anybody ever did, Ben would suppose that the reason that no physical injury or breakup could rival the pain of seeing his father walk away from him is because it’s a failure. 

_You failed_. 

A voice inside Ben’s head sneers at him. It’s typical, you see, of relationships to fail and people who once thought they wanted the same things to change their minds. 

But your parents are supposed to love you.

For a while, Ben thinks his did love him, but after his mother died, Han became cold. Distant, and cruel, the man Han Solo was after the death of his wife would have been unrecognizable to anyone who knew him.

Especially to Ben. 

And that’s why it hurt the most. 

Because his father used to love him, and then one day, he didn’t anymore.

If you had asked him, not that anyone ever did, Ben would also say that watching his father put him second - or third, or not even on whatever imaginary list of priorities there is - over and over and over did not numb the pain, but increased it. 

Each time it was worse.

The first time someone ever confronted him about this dance he does with his father - the anger at being hurt, the rationalization of Han’s actions, the hope at reconciliation, joy when Han apologizes, and the despair when it doesn’t work out - Ben is stunned into silence. 

Of course, over the years, he has put a lot of thought into it, but that is not nearly the same as saying it out loud. 

And when he explains these feelings, all of them that have been bottled up since he was only eight years old, Ben hears how it sounds. 

He recalls explaining to Rey, not six months ago, that biological family is not the be all and end all of existence, and that belonging can be found elsewhere. That one’s _worth_ and ability to be _loved_ have no relationships to your blood relations.

Ben had told Rey, on that same night, as she cried into his shirt, that he could be her family.

And now, with her hands on his cheeks, he realizes for the first time that maybe she is his.

* * *

  
  
  


That night is the last time Ben Solo ever cries about his father.

**Author's Note:**

> check out the other pieces in my Reylo_Red collection!  
>  **Completed:**  
> [ All Too Well ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23312638)  
> [ Begin Again ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23191651)  
> [ Stay Stay Stay ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23299768)  
> [ State of Grace ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23174839)  
> [ Holy Ground ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/24064783)  
> [ Everything Has Changed ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23517154)  
> [ I Almost Do ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/23224756)
> 
> **WIP:**  
> [ i'm telling you/i'm telling you ](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Reylo_Red/works/24916861) (We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together)


End file.
